


Seven (More) Words You Can Never Say on Berk

by afterandalasia



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Delightfully Pervy Ruffnut Thorston, Frustrated Stoick the Vast, Highly Creative Swearing in Fact, Implied/Referenced Sex, Multi, OT6, Polyamory, Post-Dragons: Race to the Edge, Swearing, The 7 Dirty Words, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:47:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24574033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afterandalasia/pseuds/afterandalasia
Summary: Stoick probably should have realised that giving a list of words that Ruffnut was not allowed to say was only going to encourage her to get more creative.
Relationships: Astrid/Fishlegs/Hiccup/Ruffnut/Snotlout/Tuffnut
Comments: 14
Kudos: 70





	Seven (More) Words You Can Never Say on Berk

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ashleybenlove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashleybenlove/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Seven Words You Can Never Say On Berk](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24565879) by [ashleybenlove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashleybenlove/pseuds/ashleybenlove). 



> ...ashleybenlove, I'm sorry and I love you.

Although Hiccup had his suspicions from the beginning, he kept them to himself for a while. He hoped, despite himself, that Ruffnut would get the hint that swearing in front of his father wasn't going to, well, fly, and that she would save it for them instead. He loved her filthy mouth and her bluntness, they all did, but being back on Berk was... different to the freedom they'd had on the Edge. No more being able to wander from house to house naked in the summer, no more free reign to have sex wherever they wished, and no more free and easy public swearing.

Hiccup probably should have understood, though, that Ruffnut would see it as more of a challenge than anything else.

It took less than a week for it to start going - further - downhill. Stoick was there to see all of the Riders in from another flight, and when Ruffnut hopped down out of the saddle she groaned, stretching out her back.

"Man, we need new saddles," she said. Hiccup acknowledged it with a wave of his hand as he stretched out his own legs, allowing her to continue without really being concerned by it. "I mean," said Ruffnut, "I'm sore enough. Tuffnut's bollocks must be migrating towards his kidneys!"

Hiccup tried to steal a horrified glance towards his father, only to see Stoick giving him a very level, disappointed, and readable look.

Another word for the list, then.

Hiccup had mostly learned not to leave his back unwatched while leaning over tables. Standing in front of a wall was the best bet, or if all else failed standing next to Astrid who was generally more prone to a sneaky squeeze than to the sort of dramatics that the others might go in for.

However, back in Berk such habits had started to slip, and he did not even think about it before bending over a map with his back to the door as he explained to his father where his riders where next planning to fly.

There was no warning before _someone_ slapped his arse loud enough to _echo_. Hiccup jumped upright, managing not to yelp and only draw more attention to himself, but he knew the damage was done.

"Hey slut, whaddaya up to here?" said Ruffnut. She leaned one cocked hip against the wall and gave Hiccup a wink before nodding to his father. "Hey, Chief."

"I know," said Hiccup, before his father even had to say anything. Even Stoick's sigh sounded disappointed. "I know."

"Oh man," said Ruffnut, watching with her chin in one hand as Snotlout managed another resounding win at the Thawfest Games against his wrestling opponents. The riders had been given seats of honour close to the chief's, and it gave one of the best views of the entire arena. "I am gonna ride his face all the way to Valhalla tonight."

"Hiccup," said Stoick, wearily.

Hiccup ran a hand through his hair. "You know, technically that isn't a _word_ ," he said.

Stoick raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, okay, I'll add it," said Hiccup.

Ruffnut frowned at the growing list. "Does that mean I can say I'll ride _her_ face?" she said, pointing at Astrid with a thumb. 

"You know, I didn't ask my father for further specifics," said Hiccup, "but I somehow doubt it."

" _Their_ face?"

"Also a no."

"How about ride _my_ face? That's like, an invitation instead of a statement, right?"

Hiccup sighed. "You know, I think we can take it for granted that any pronoun in that phrase is probably not gonna be allowed."

"Your father is no fucking fun." Ruffnut gave him a shove to the shoulder, a habit which she swore she had not picked up from Astrid, then glanced around them. "Hey, there's no-one about now. You gonna let me ride _your_ face?"

"Well, that's definitely an option."

It really wasn't Ruffnut's fault about the next one. Hiccup hadn't even realised that his father was _home_ when he suggested that they hold the meeting at his house out of the rain.

"Do we have to have a _meeting_?" Ruffnut had said, taking off not just her wet cloak but her wet top as well, and her wrap after it. She brushed water off her bare breasts with the towel that Hiccup slung across to her. "I am so _horny_ today. How about Hiccup heads the meeting while Snotlout just fingerbangs me under the table and we all pretend none of you know about it?"

"I am down for that," said Snotlout, looking up from wringing out his shirt.

Unfortunately, however, Hiccup had looked towards the back bedroom just in time to see his father open the door. It was hard to say whether it was the language, the casual sexuality, or the fact that all of them were at least partially naked which made Stoick stop in his tracks. Hiccup was just grateful, considering he had just taken his trousers off, that he was not hard from Ruffnut's suggestion. The rain had seen to that.

Stoick quietly closed the door again and, most likely, decided to use the back door instead.

They really needed to find the time to finish planning, let alone building, the house for the six of them.

"How about we keep that as something to look for afterwards?" said Astrid, eyes scanning Hiccup's face as she clearly read _something_ there.

"Are we picking partners for fingerbanging tonight?" said Tuffnut, raising a hand. "Because Fishlegs' fingers are thicker, but Astrid has some uncanny accuracy, if you know what I mean."

"Meeting first," Hiccup said, gathering himself again. "Fingerbanging later."

Fuck, now he was saying it as well.

"Oh come on," said Ruffnut, with a groan. "You're telling me the Meatheads are trying to blame the _Peaceables_ for the piracy? What a bunch of yakshit."

Hiccup agreed with the sentiment, but didn't miss the way that his father looked at him.

Flicking open the notebook he now kept strapped to his right gauntlet, he made a note to warn Ruffnut about another word not to be used around his father.

They should have known that playing Maces and Talons in the Great Hall - even the normal version, Hiccup have quickly vetoed any ideas of public Strip Maces and Talons - would end badly.

"You **bellend** ," shouted Ruffnut, as she dragged her brother into a headlock. "Your advice cost me that game!"

Hiccup glanced over his shoulder to confirm that his father was once again giving him That Look.

"How many words is your list up to now?" said Astrid, as she watched him scribble another note.

"Oh, it would be far more if he spent a full day with Ruffnut, trust me."

For the most part, seeing off a raiding party that wanted to attack a Berkian ship didn't actually involve that much profanity. They needed to keep the air clear between them to be able to shout orders and key words to each other, to coordinate their attacks.

Of course, once the fight was over and the raiders had been seen off, it was a different matter altogether. Hiccup was catching his breath from a few manoeuvres too tight and sharp for him to be able to breathe while he did them, but that didn't mean that all of his riders were in the same situation.

"Yeah, that's right, run, you arselicking cumdumps!" shouted Ruffnut after the swiftly exiting ship. They could have caught it easily, but giving them a good scare so they could warn others away from attacking Berk was easily and better in the long run than finding themselves with prisoners they would need to deal with. "You dicknosed jizz-gargling ballsacks, you're terrible raiders anyway! Go hide up your father's arse and stick your head in your foreskins, you cowardly sheep-wanking clitgobblers!"

Silence reigned in the aftermath of Ruffnut's vitriol, and Hiccup looked round warily to Stoick, who had been accompanying them on Skullcrusher to really make an impression.

"Technically," Hiccup began carefully, "none of those words were on the list."

"Oh, don't worry," said Stoick mildly. "Any of you can say whatever you want to outsiders trying to attack one of our own. Just not so much in the middle of dinner at the Great Hall."

A look of delight spread across Ruffnut's face. She hastily cupped her hands around her mouth and craned towards the retreating ship once again.

"And you can fuck my cunt, you cocksucking piss-shits!" she shouted after them. She paused, and looked around. "I'll really have to figure out a way to get all seven of those original words into a snappy sentence."

"Five was still pretty impressive," said Astrid, from atop Stormfly's back.

"We can make it a team project," said Tuffnut.

Hiccup gave Stoick another worried look, but Stoick simply shrugged. "In private?" he said. "As you will."

Stoick turned Skullcrusher away, making it quite clear that he intended to head back to Berk out of earshot of the rest of them. Given how blue the air was probably about to turn, Hiccup suspected that was all for the best anyway.


End file.
